One Hooker, Please
by FacetiousKitten
Summary: Kouji throws Genrou a going-away party, and once they get good and sloshed, he takes Genrou to a brothel. Drunk teenagers in a brothel? What could go wrong? Plenty, Genrou discovers, when busty Madam Yan enters the picture. [No graphic content, but I wouldn't recommend you read this at work.]


_Quick note, and then I'll get out of your way: The lovely It's The Dee pointed out that, in my first version of this story, a passage in the middle of it got a little, er, uncomfortable, and blurred some lines of sexual consent. That was never my goal, because sexual consent is no joke and should never be taken lightly. I tried my best to establish consent between characters and to fix the creepy "ick" factor while maintaining the overall mood of the story._

 _Life pro tip: don't touch people's crotches while they sleep, especially not if they're drunk. It's ALWAYS a bad idea._

* * *

The night before Genrou planned to leave Mt. Reikaku, Kouji threw him a going away party. Genrou had no idea how long it would take him to find a cure for the boss's illness, so Kouji _insisted_ on a celebration. However, because Kouji was Kouji and Genrou was Genrou, their party mostly consisted of drinking and obnoxiously yelling in one of Souun's taverns.

Once the two were good and sloshed, the owner kicked them out. That was when Kouji decided that Genrou couldn't go traveling unless he was "experienced." With a woman, specifically. He suggested that they go to the brothel, to which Genrou replied "'Kay." Genrou leaned backward into the outside wall of the tavern and let his chin droop to his chest.

"Good. Hakurou wants ya t' take his place as boss one day, 'n we can't have some little _virgin_ leadin' us. Nobody'll respect ya," Kouji slurred. "Let's go." He pulled on Genrou's arm, almost falling down with the effort.

"Go where?" Genrou asked, his head lolling back and forth like a dead cat.

"T' get ya laid, man!"

"'Kay."

They wandered around, looking for the pleasure district, sipping out of the bottles of sake they stole from the tavern. When they finally stumbled into the brothel, they could barely stand.

"One hooker, please," Genrou said to one of the guards on duty. "I'm gonna be the boss."

Kouji giggled. "Yeah. He's gonna be the boss."

"The girls don't like drunks," a guard said and pushed them out the door, but they came right back inside.

"One hooker, please," Genrou repeated.

The guard sighed and walked away without a word. He returned in a minute with the madam.

"Oh, they're just kids. I'll bet they're harmless," she said. "Honey, how old are you?"

"Sixteen," Genrou said, then added, "And a half."

Kouji ruffled Genrou's red hair. "Aww, li'l baby tangerine head."

"Business has been slow, anyway. Leave your weapons with me, and we'll bring out the girls." The madam nodded to the guard, who walked away, and held out her hands to accept the boys' large knives.

Genrou pointed at her. "Are you my hooker?"

Kouji slapped Genrou's hand down, almost knocking him onto his fanged, flushed face. "No, dumbass. She's the madam. They're gonna bring out the girls fer ya t' pick one."

"Ohhh. 'Kay." Genrou swayed in a little circle. "Can I siddown?" Without waiting for an answer, he dropped to his rear, letting his chin hit his chest again.

"You sit there, okay? I'll pick ya out a nice one," Kouji said.

Soon, the guard returned with a line of women. Kouji studied them seriously, his bushy eyebrows knitting together as he forced his eyes to focus on each one in turn. Genrou dozed lightly, and just as he began to fall over, Kouji nudged him with his toe.

"Huh?" Genrou blurted, not bothering to open his eyes, and sat up straight.

"Lookit the rack on her." Kouji pointed, but Genrou still didn't open his eyes. "He wants her, madam. The one with the rack."

"Madam Yan?" she asked, motioning to a woman with a long braid who looked to be around thirty-five.

"Yeah, yeah, her."

Madam Yan shrugged, jostling her monolithic bosom in its low-cut dress.

"Oohhhh, man," Kouji said, smirking lecherously. "C'mon, boss." He helped Genrou to his feet and held him upright. The process took longer than it should have because Kouji lost his balance more than once.

"Your friend should pay now," the madam said, eying the nearly catatonic Genrou.

Kouji roused Genrou long enough for him to fish several coins out of his money bag. The madam took them from his hand and declared the amount sufficient. She had the guard lead them down a hallway into a luxurious room, where Kouji dropped Genrou to the bed. The younger boy, nearly sound asleep, lay on his side with his mouth wide open.

"Have fun!" With that, Kouji staggered out the door.

"Wake up, hon," Madam Yan said, patting Genrou on the cheek. He burbled and groaned, and pushed her hand away.

She sighed. "You paid me to do a job, and I aim to do it. Now, you going to wake up, or what?"

He barely moved, even when she patted his cheek so hard most people would call the action a slap, and still didn't open his eyes.

Irritated, she shook his shoulder. "Come on. I can't let you sleep our time away. I got a reputation to maintain, you hear?"

In response, he made sounds that were probably meant to resemble human speech in some fashion. But, since "Hrrrnnghhhh!" wasn't a word in any language Madam Yan understood, she had to inquire further as to its meaning. He thus answered her question with another question: "Whadda ya want?"

"Hon. You paid me. What do _you_ want?"

He threw his arm over his face, muffling his words. "Paid ya fer what?"

"Sex."

"Oh yeah." He chortled into his sleeve. "I fergot."

"Gods above," she whispered before asking Genrou, in the sweetest tone she could muster, if he was interested in trying anything in particular.

"I dunno," he said. When she suggested beginning with a certain often requested service to help him wake up, he rolled onto his back. With a giggle, he gestured toward his crotch as if she didn't know where the necessary equipment for said service resided. Then, he noticed a gentle pressure on the front of his pants. It sure did feel nice, especially when it started rubbing around down there. He grinned stupidly and muttered a quiet "Heeeey..."

"So is this waking you up?"

His eyes finally fluttered open only to find a huge pair of breasts hanging over his face. "Ma!? What're ya doin'!" He smacked her hand away from his crotch and sat up, screeching out a very unmanly "eeeee!" sound.

The screech carried all the way to where Kouji sat in the foyer. He looked at the guards, who weren't fazed. "Izzat normal?"

"Eh. I've heard some weird shit around here," one guard said.

"Didn't think I'd ever hear a man make that kinda sound."

"Don't worry about it. She's just that good," said the other guard.

"Hm." Kouji, thinking he might have a go with another of the girls, opened his money bag only to find that he had spent almost everything he had back at the tavern. "Damn."

Back in the room with Madam Yan, Genrou came to his (still quite drunk) senses. "Uh..."

"Are you okay?" she asked.

He tried his best to look only at her face. She wasn't even naked, but that big chest was downright terrifying. Seeing it looming over him triggered a flashback to nearly suffocating beneath his mother's massive breasts as a nursing baby – which he somehow remembered, much as he would prefer not to – and the way Madam Yan touched him just made the whole thing really goddamn creepy. He had agreed to the touching, yes, but that was before he knew about those fleshy weapons she dangled over his face.

"I _said_ , are you okay?"

He nodded slowly.

"Want to try again?"

He shook his head "no" so hard that he flopped onto his back.

"Great. Now I'll have to refund you."

"Hey, uh, how 'bout I pay ya double not t' say nothin' 'bout that?" he asked as he cautiously sat back up. "Y'know, let's don't 'n say we did?"

"What, are you gay or something? We got a couple guys here, if you'd rather have one of them."

"No, no. It's jus' that I don't wanna, uh, y'know. _Do it_ right now."

She cocked her head to the side, studying him. "How old are you?"

He frowned. "Sixteen. And a half."

"Ohh, I see. First time? You don't have to be scared. It's not like I'm going to hurt you."

"I ain't scared!"

She put her hands up in a show of surrender. "Okay, okay. If you really don't want to, I can't make you. But you're going to have to pay me the extra right now if you want me to keep my mouth shut."

He couldn't remember how much he had paid the madam, so he handed Madam Yan his best guess at an amount that would double it. When she seemed satisfied and pocketed it, he stood up to leave.

She grabbed his shoulder. "Wait a second."

"What?" he barked, and yanked his shoulder out of her grip. He pitched forward and had to clutch the bedpost to keep from hitting the floor.

"If you leave now, someone might catch on to us, or they'll think I let you finish too fast. I told you, I got a reputation to maintain."

Genrou really didn't want to be around this woman or her monstrous boobs any longer, but he didn't seem to have a choice. He hauled himself back onto the bed and crossed his arms. "Fine. Jus' don't touch me again." He tried to punctuate the demand with a stern face, but his eyes crossed and uncrossed against his will.

"Sure," she said with a snort. She took a seat at the foot of the bed, leaving several feet of empty space between herself and Genrou. He scooted even further away from her, just barely avoiding falling off, and she rolled her eyes.

In the foyer, Kouji asked the guards why they called Genrou's date "Madam" when she wasn't _the_ madam.

"Like I said, she's just that good."

As if in response, another odd squeal rang down the hallway and into the foyer. Kouji nodded and said that, yes, she _must_ be good.

What he didn't know was that the great skill Madam Yan used to pull that squeal from his friend was a well placed poke to the ribs.

"I told ya not t' touch me!" Genrou hissed.

"You were being too quiet."

"I thought girls were supposed t' make the sounds?"

She shrugged, shaking those terrifying breasts again, and let out a loud, exaggerated moan of pleasure.

He averted his eyes and blushed madly as her performance grew in intensity. He let his hair fall over his face to hide his embarrassment.

She panted a few times, then wrapped up the show with one last little sigh. "There. Is that better?"

"Yeah, sure."

She tapped the red patch of his neck that wasn't covered by his equally red hair. "You're blushing."

Still hiding his face, he slapped her hand. "Quit _touchin_ _'_ me, goddammit."

"You're kinda cute in a stupid little way," she said with a chuckle.

"Don't call a man 'cute.'"

"I'll stick with 'stupid,' then."

"Shuddup."

She chuckled again. "So why'd you call me 'Ma,' huh?"

"Can I get the hell outta here already?"

"Hmm, yeah, I guess."

He jumped, or rather lurched, to his feet, grasping the bedpost to steady himself.

"Hold on." She stood and ruffled his hair.

"Quit that!"

"You gotta look like we did something." She fumbled with his coat, disheveling it, and reached under it to untuck one side of his shirt. "Now hold still. I'll give you a hickey."

"Ugh!"

"Don't be a prude. You want people to think we had sex? They'll see a hickey and come to their own conclusion. It's something to brag about."

His lip curled in disgust over protruding canines. "Fine." He awkwardly pulled his body away from her curves as she stood on tiptoe and latched on to his neck. He, being a stereotypical hormonal teenager, probably would have enjoyed the act if the woman performing it hadn't reminded him of his mother in a most discomforting way.

After what seemed like an hour, she released him and admired her handiwork. "That should do it."

He wiped at his wet neck with his sleeve and walked carefully to the door. She followed closely behind, ready to right him should he topple over in his less-than-sober state.

"Heeey, boss!" Kouji called when the redhead and Madam Yan entered the foyer. He caught sight of the huge purple splotch on Genrou's neck and immediately burst into laughter.

"Come back anytime, hon," Madam Yan cooed to Genrou, and left the foyer.

Kouji clapped him on the back. "Sounded like ya had fun in there."

"Yup. Let's go." Genrou went to the madam to collect his knife and exited the brothel without another word.

"Yer really a man now, Genrou," Kouji said when they were both outside. "How d'you feel?"

"Like I want another drink."

"Hell, yeah. We really got somethin' t' celebrate now!"

And celebrate they did.

The next morning, Genrou left Mt. Reikaku with a pounding headache and a desperate hope that Madam Yan really would keep up her end of the bargain. If anyone found out that he cockblocked himself with memories of his mother, he might fall on his own sword out of shame.

* * *

 **Author note, October 15, 2015:** Here it is! My first published fanfic! It's a side story that was borne of the longer Fushigi Yuugi project I'm writing. I originally wrote it as a tale Kouji tells another character, but since it wasn't essential to the plot and could stand on its own, I chose to simply summarize it in the longer story. I like this version too much to delete it entirely, though, so here you have it. Please let me know what you think! If you spot any typos or problems with the way I wrote out Genrou's and Kouji's accents, I would _greatly_ appreciate gentle reminders to get my act together.

Also, yes, I know I switched POV a few times - shame, shame - but I didn't think it mattered that much since this is pure silliness. Besides, in the original format, it made sense that Kouji would switch POV here and there.


End file.
